Saturday, January 5, 2013

Cornfield Hypnosis

Well, after a whole 12 hours in the car, we finally made it up North.

There’s something hypnotizing about driving along miles and miles of cornfields. It certainly makes me think.
It’s a strange and exciting adventure I’m about to embark on – moving back to NYC. But more than that, I’m reentering society. I know, I know – sounds kinda dramatic. But it occurred to me yesterday as I was buying the first tube of mascara in 10 months that I really have been absent in the whole sense of the word due to my Ulcerative Colitis flare.

It has taken me completely out of the game physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and – aesthetically – as my lack of make up purchases so curtly reminded me.
Physically – its pretty clear. Take for example, I used to run 5 miles every day in New York. Now, just this past week, I’ve been able to start taking walks. I’m up to 15 minutes and that’s a real feat!
Emotionally, aside from the anger I expressed on my birthday, I now have new hope and drive to get back out there.
Mentally, there were days where it was all I could do to get through the day because of the pain. It stripped me of my fun-loving and goofy personality (just look at my crazy curls and it’ll tell you a lot.)
And socially, I’ve been away from my friends for close to a year — missed their birthdays, special occasions — it is an understatement to say that I am ecstatic about seeing them.
From the road, the blurring corn fields seem just monotonous rows of gold and green, but up close, you peel back the husk to reveal little tiny kernels all beautifully in rows. I mean, have you ever truly appreciated the magnificence of an ear of corn? Well it made me think – this disease does not define who I am. It doesn’t confine me to a life of anguish. No. Sure, I may have to modify what I eat to ensure that I stay in remission, but just because I can’t indulge in starchy, sugary goodness doesn’t mean I can’t grasp life in my hands and live it to the absolute fullest.
There’s a lot to me – more than this disease would lead one to believe. Once upon a time, I was the energizer bunny – with an unlimited supply of energy to go go go! Impromptu twilight boat ride on the Hudson? Sure! Audition in 20 minutes across town? I’ll be there! Battle the crowds for the Rockefeller tree lighting after class? Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Once upon a time, I loved going out and embracing everything New York City’s nightlife had to offer. Let me tell you, there wasn’t a karaoke mic I didn’t have an amicable relationship with.
Curiously exploring the city on lazy afternoons.

Watching the eclectic masses of people in Union Square.
Laughing so hard with friends that I think my abs are going to explode.

Being goofy with friends on the subway after one too many libations.
THAT is who I am.
That is what I’m going home to.
My disease will not define me.
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